In the last few days I’ve been having what I would consider to be a breakthrough in how I view things in my life. A breakthrough for me anyway. Maybe everyone else is already “there.” I don’t really know. But, what I do know is that things seem to be going in the right direction for me. It’s about time!
I wholeheartedly believe that things happen for a reason. The people that come in-and-out of your life have a purpose. I believe that the pain that seems to go along with living is there to teach us to be grateful. I’ve come to realize that it’s what you take away from the things that happen in your life that allow you to grow. Hopefully you can learn from things that happen to you. I know that I have, most-certainly. The mistakes I’ve made have only enabled me to try harder and not continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Some of us have gone in and out of credit card debt, have made not-so-smart choices in life, but it’s the lesson in the mistakes that can change us all for the better. Lately this has been so clear for me.
Although I’ve learned how to not make the same mistakes over and over again, I still get bogged down with so much trivial nonsense from time to time. I’ve wasted so much energy worrying about things that mean nothing. I recently watched a documentary called Miss Representation. I didn’t get to see the first 15 minutes or so, but it still made such a huge impact on me. I highly recommend that everyone watch it, especially all the young girls out there. The media paints this unattainable standard of women and often tricks us into thinking that there’s a certain way we’re all supposed to look. I grew up flipping through magazines with pictures of beautiful women with perfect faces, perfect bodies, and flawless skin. I’ve honestly wasted so much time worrying about how I look and wanting to live up to the media’s standard of the “perfect woman.” I’ve come to realize that all of the pressures to look a certain way don’t mean anything. I guess I always knew this, but it didn’t change the fact that I fell for it. I would love to say I didn’t, but I did....I wanted to be as perfect as I could be. Sure, I still want to be healthy and fit, but I don’t need to be what a magazine or television commercial tells me to be so that they can sell me clothes or miracle creams that promise to take away every line on my face making me look 10 years younger. It’s all just a mirage.
The reality is that important things in life can’t be bought. They’re not possessions that’s for sure. It doesn’t matter what I have or don’t have; it’s the people in my life that count. I guess I’ve never really aspired to “keep up with the Jones’.” In all likelihood you wouldn’t even want to be the Jones’. There will generally always be people in your life who want you to think that they have it all; the perfect spouse or partner, the perfect house, perfect cars, and perfect kids with lots of possessions and dinners out. There are a lot of people like this that are in credit card debt and not honest about who they are to themselves, let alone to anyone else. What we see on the outside is often very different behind closed doors; I can guarantee you that. Our own house may be simple and small, but it’s definitely cozy, warm, and inviting.
What’s really important aren’t material things at all. It’s the time we spend with each other. I would love to travel and take my children all over the world to see things that even I have yet to see. Although 'E' shuns any change in his routine or his environment, once we get going on a new adventure, even if it’s close to home, he seems to make the most of it. If we left it up to him, we’d probably never even get to leave our house! We always prepare E for new adventures by making a book of what will be happening each day on a vacation (although it’s been a while since we’ve had one!). Making E a trip book has always seemed to help him transition from one situation to another. Don’t get me wrong....we’re not gallivanting all over the world. I wish! We do what we can afford and we’re grateful for every opportunity.
I can remember a cruise that my in-laws took us on when I graduated from college back in 2002. We were in Cozumel, Mexico sitting outside of a cafe around what I can only describe as a “town square” with a grassy area in the middle. There were several local children kicking a soccer ball and running every which way. Our son 'D,' who was eight at the time, began playing with the local children, kicking the soccer ball with them. Although D had some Spanish in elementary school, the kids weren’t verbally communicating. They were just laughing and playing with each other despite their differences. I loved that afternoon. It was magical and I will never forget it as long as I live.
So, what matters most to me is my family, being a good person, and taking the time to just “be” with my husband and my children. I take every breath for them and I take insurmountable joy in being where I am right now. I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier despite all of the ups and downs that go along with raising a child on the spectrum. It took me a long time to get to a place where I can let go of wanting things that don’t even matter. Please don’t think that I have it all figured out. Far from it! But the one thing I do know is that my family is the most important thing in my life.
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